Encouraging the Walkabout

walkabout

noun walk·about \ˈwȯ-kə-ˌbau̇t\

: an occasion in which an Australian Aborigine goes on a long walking journey on land that is far from towns and cities

A Walkabout, as defined above by Merriam-Webster, has historical roots in the Aborigine society.  Wikipedia expands on the definition by describing it as  "a rite of passage during which male Australian Aborigines would undergo a journey during adolescence and live in the wilderness for a period as long as six months."  The characteristics - albeit requirements - are clear.  It is an event, it is a solitary journey, it is significant and it is a milestone for moving from adolescence (youthfulness) to adulthood (clarity).  It is also historically a journey in 'male-hood' - of masculinity.

The Urban Dictionary gives it a little different spin-

walkabout

Background: Australian. Given to us by "Crocodile Dundee" (1986):
A spontaneous journey through the wilderness of one's choosing in an effort to satisfy one's itchy feet, a need to be elsewhere, the craving for the open road, that space over the horizon...yes... something like that... you can't quite touch it so you have to go find it because it's you just know it's there...Or maybe it just feels good to go walking around ... :wink: Yeah. It's WALKABOUT.

 

Somewhere in-between Merriam-Webster, Wikipedia and the Urban Dictionary is what could be an important formula for each of us as we move through life and experience the inevitable and natural transitions that occur.  Some of those we expect and look forward to: moving away from our parents, getting married, having children, buying a home, starting and ending careers, sending our children to college, watching our children get married, grandchildren and retirement. Others come to us as a result of our decisions, the decisions of others or perhaps just as 'fate' would have it.  The unanticipated divorce, loss of a job, bankruptcy, health issue, loss of a spouse or child - all of which can cause us to pause and wonder.

 

Transition, by definition, is fluid.  It is a place in-between where we were and where we want to be.  You could argue that we are always in transition, moving through one day/week/year and navigating what was and reconciling it to what is next.  However it is the times that cause us to pause, feel lost and uneasy, and where 'clarity' isn't so easy to grasp that perhaps, a 'walkabout' could be useful.

 

Our worlds are complex and life is chaotic.  We are busy managing all of it simultaneously, with our only respite often being the five to six hours we allow ourselves for sleep.  Sometimes though there are events or even 'seasons' in our life that are more impacting, triggering emotions, distracting us from being our best selves or derailing our happiness.  Our culture urges us to 'push through' it.  We treat it as something to get over, to work through or to accept.  And - sometimes we can...but for those times when it just seems a bit much...I would encourage contemplating a walkabout. 

 

The Aborigines were visionary in the need to acknowledge that moving from being a boy to becoming a man is a significant transition.  The walkabout doesn't at all encompass the totality of that transition - but it is the place where thought, consideration and contemplation exist.  The physical journey through the cities and the space to be alone and think allowed the young men to look at where they have been, immerse in and observe the world around them, contemplate what they have learned from their teachers and decide who they will be as men.  It was a time to 'just be', to not have to worry about anyone else and to have the space away from distraction to make purposeful decisions about the future.

 

The Urban Dictionary definition talks of 'itchy-feet' and eludes to a walkabout as an answer to restlessness.  I would argue that there is a broader need for taking a 'break' from the chaos of life to contemplate and renew.  A walkabout also doesn't need to be a six-month journey to different cities and most certainly is not limited to a specific gender.

 

A walkabout is just your version of stepping out of the madness and situation, acknowledging it as an event and using that 'break' to be solitary - taking the space and valuing yourself enough to take the time and energy to invest in you - to allow you to heal, grow, evolve and purposefully work through whatever transition you are experiencing.  It could be a weekend at a spa, a Sunday evening yoga class, daily runs at dusk or dawn, an hour of mediation in the morning or a weekly hike on your favorite mountain.  It could be committing to coaching or therapy. It could be an unspecified time away from family or a job.  It could be a sabbatical.

 

The formula can vary but the criteria is clear - it is about you - it is a focused time to consider your current transition, it is an opportunity to think through the next steps, create a plan to gather the tools you will need or identify the people you need to connect with.  It is an event (or a series of consistent events) that you do with a purpose of tapping into you - and your energy - to facilitate your transition.

 

If life is a bit much - if you are unsure, dealing with unexpected situations or are living in that place of overwhelmed... remember the Aborigine...I encourage a  walkabout.

Shirley Ramos is a principal at Dirty Girls Consulting, with a deep understanding that life is 'messy'.  DGC is about real women with a story supporting and empowering other 'real' women to be the best that they can be. Women work differently, think differently, and it is up to us to develop this difference into  our strength. We explore breaking free of traditional standards, accomplishing professional and personal goals to create an authentic, fully loved life. Read more Dirty Girl Consulting blogs here. 

 

What's your pleasure... and your power?

Standing on stage and staring into a crowd of faces, some I knew, most I did not, I realized I had no where else to go. 

My solo moment...

I am frozen. I look back at the drummer and he nods.  The bass guitarist next to me says, "Let's go."  As he starts to strum, automatically my brain shifts into counting the beats. I know this. I got this. I release the lyrics like taffy, pulling at the lines. I have not forgotten the crowd in front of me but they are no longer foreign, separate. They are now my co-conspirators. We are reliving our past, together, remembering that one love, obsession, that was so overwhelming, there was nothing on earth we wouldn't do to keep it. I have relaxed into my voice. I am soaking up the energy of the crowd. I am feeling the warm buzz of pleasure radiating through my entire being, the emotion of it energizing me to give it my all and yet feeling completely at ease in the moment.

I step off stage and carry that with me - relaxed yet energized, fully feeling the pleasure of the moment. I am both giving and receiving joy. And I want to carry this feeling with me, always.

Where do you find pleasure?

Not the "my-kid-is-so-cute" moment or the "I-can't-believe-she-said-that-in-her-outside-voice" moment... those are fun, for sure.  But I'm talking about the kind of pleasurable experience that zings through your entire body and leaves you both feeling physically spent and fully energized?

I've recently been listening to some interviews with coach Kristin Sweeting Morelli and hormone expert Dr. Sara Gottfried, in which they posit that for women, our power center is replenished through experiencing pleasure - so this life we lead of waking early to start the laundry, get the kids to school, go to work, manage the after-school carpool, squeeze in gym time, grocery shop, cook, clean, help with homework, do our own work, etc... the list of activity goes on... it depletes us and we need to find ways to replenish ourselves. When we don't, we get addicted to the high level of stress - those super high cortisol levels that impact our mood, our mode of behavior and how we interact with the world - and we embrace the sense of martyrdom that goes with it.

Don't think that's you? When you insist that it is faster/easier/better if you just do it yourself... when you are annoyed that your husband or son didn't clean the kitchen the way they know you like it to be cleaned... when you take on yet another volunteer project and then complain that you have no time for yourself... 

Be honest, we all spend some time in martyrdom. And it's not a pretty place. Not for us and not for the people around us.

According to Sweeting Morelli and Gottfried, to replenish our strength and our soul, to reclaim a sense of peace and put the harried harpy of the day to rest, women need to tap into pleasure. Our stress levels are high, whether self-induced or not, and have a direct, measurable impact on our health and our relationships. If we allow our cortisol levels (the stress hormone) to get out of whack, we're in for a crash. And some drama. And undoubtedly more stress. 

The shortest, surest route to replenishing a healthy balance? For women, it's indulging in something pleasurable that releases oxytocin and raises serotonin levels. Sure, it can be that toe curling sexual pleasure (which is where your mind immediately went - come on, you know it did) and that one should be on everyone's list, but it is really anything that feeds and energizes your soul.  And we all have different ways of reaching into to that well and pulling our pleasure - and our power - back out of it.

Think of the last time you had a lengthy conversation with a girlfriend - or a few friends.  Ones who really get you.  How did you feel coming away from that?  Exhausted or energized?

Or perhaps on your last shopping excursion, you snatched up a hot pair of Jimmy Choo's at a bargain price... or if you're like me, new Asics or Saucony's.

Or maybe you finally attended that salsa dance class that you kept meaning to make time for... why hadn't you done that sooner?

You can replenish your soul by going to church. By attending yoga class. By getting a massage.

With my fantastic partner,
Mauricio Fernandez, aka Pitbull

Clearly, one of my pleasure zones is in singing - for an audience, for sure, but also alone in my car. I can get this high from running obstacle course races, from playing in the ocean, from writing... anything - my blog, a thank you note, an old fashioned love letter... the act of expressing myself on paper is pleasurable for me - and from reading a really good book. That may not sound exciting to you - and that's ok, we all have our own pleasure zones - but it works for me. It brings me back to a place where I can be present with my every day life - working full time, raising three teenagers, managing a menagerie of pets and the myriad activities that come with that life.

Every spontaneous, joyful moment and irrepressible laugh should be cherished. That momentary respite brings pleasure into any given moment. But in addition to that, we ought to be cultivating a regular cadence of pleasure that replenishes our soul.

So back to my original question: where do you find your pleasure?

If you want to learn more about the idea of women's power being centered in their ability to experience pleasure, and how our hormonal imbalances can dramatically affect our mood, our weight and our relationships, I strongly recommend reading Dr. Sara Gottfried's books and blogs as well as Kristin Sweeting Morelli's Red Tent Revival materials (she is no longer doing live events, which are phenomenal, fun and educational, but the recorded materials are available for purchase).

Natalie Hahn O'Flaherty is a principal at Dirty Girls Consulting, offering programs that support women moving into leadership roles. Women work differently, think differently, and it is up to us to develop this difference into  our strength. We explore breaking free of traditional standards, accomplishing professional and personal goals to create an authentic, fully loved life. Read more Dirty Girl Consulting blogs here. 

Women without Women

Recently I marked a bittersweet milestone in my life.  Walking away from what no longer made sense to me was both empowering and brutal.  Years of coming to terms with what was reality and what was ‘what I wished was so’ had finally catapulted me from security to shifting sand.  The robust joy and peace that I felt when I finally drove away was almost immediately replaced with the fear of the ‘now what?’ There was a journey that took me to the fork in the road – the milestone – and there was the journey that followed.

I would never have made it through without the women in my life.  They each showed up like calculated moves in a chess game.  There was no randomness to either their appearance or counsel.  I had taken the path of incredible vulnerability and I was blessed I was not alone.

There was the wise woman that understood that I couldn’t see the things that were too close to me.  I took refuge in her house, in her unconditional love that metaphorically wrapped its arms around me as I fell apart.  Struggling between a grand exit and retreating back into the darkness, she listened.  She allowed me to suffer, to feel safe and her words were only of support and kindness.  She played the role that I am confident that my mom would have played if she had been here.  She was gentle but firm.  When she pushed she allowed me to react.  So often she said the things that I wasn’t ready to hear but never inferred they were the absolute.  It was perfect, she was just what I needed.

There was the honest woman that understood that I needed to see what was.  She was family, I trusted her and reached out to her in my chaos.  Her words cut like a knife but I longed to hear them.  She validated the reality that I couldn’t see but deeply felt.  She confronted my rationalizations and didn’t allow me to retreat into what wasn’t working just because I wanted to ‘will’ it to work.  She was the one that I didn’t want to disappoint – the one that I felt most compelled to lie to that I was making progress- the progress that I knew I needed to make – but was not yet ready to honestly look at.  She was my accountability.  It was perfect, she was just what I needed.

There was the best friend.  Our connection was both professional and personal, with no visible gateway in-between.  She just showed up in my life as a colleague.  Our connection was instantaneous but the trust has grown over the years.  I marvel at the fact that God sent me a Buddhist as my closest friend and confidant.  I learn from her every day and we travel through life together as peers and deep friends.  She was my respite.  As my journey took unexpected twists and I reacted to what was in front of me, she listened.  Listened without judgement and with no agenda.  She validated daily that every step, every decision was my choice.  I desperately needed what she provided.  She supported my forward motion but she allowed me to work through wanting to return.  On the days that I slipped into the ‘what was’, she let me be there…and as I began to experience the pain of it all, she guided me back to the path I needed to follow.  She allowed me choice.  It was perfect, she was just what I needed.

There was the woman I hired.  I paid her to listen to me weekly as I processed my stuff.  She was friendly and we connected but she was not my friend.  Her guidance didn’t allow blame.  There was no room for it.  I learned to deal with just ‘what was’.  The what was of my past, the what was of my present and the what was as my future.  Her counsel disconnected the emotion from the event.  I could see clearly that the work I needed to do was within me.  Both my power and my brokenness resided within my perceptions and truths.  She was my teacher.  It was perfect, she was just what I needed.

There was the woman that said ‘come in’.  Sometimes the distraction of hurt and pain doesn’t allow us to attend to our life.  She offered respite and shelter.  A place to live, to eat, to be part of a family.  I could be alone or not.  She was my home.  It was perfect, she was just what I needed.

As I reflect on the cast of women that touched my life, I worry and wonder about the women without women.  What would I have done without even just one of these women in my life?  They were like the spokes in a wheel – each one keeping me moving forward on this path – each necessary – keeping my journey smooth and strong amidst the potholes and puddles.  I would have survived, as many women without women do, but I would have suffered for it.  The lessons learned go far beyond my own journey and broader than my own path.  We are all women that need women.  Sometimes we are on the path and sometimes we are supporting others as they navigate their paths.  It all makes sense – it is perfect – it is just what is needed.

Change and the Truth...

“If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change. As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him. ... We need not wait to see what others do.” -Gandhi

                                                                                                                                                            

I recently made a life decision that rocked my world.  Walking from the office where I resigned my steady employment I remember reaching for the sticky-note and penning the words – be the change you want to see in the world.  Without a doubt those words have been swirling in my mind with flavors of wonder, passion, fear and focus –all in degrees I have never experienced before.  The financial insecurity of it all is only a symptom, with the root cause buried deeper in who do I want to be – what is the change that I have to see in the world –where has it all gone awry?

There is an injustice in my mind.  One that others could perceive as emotional or angry.  It is really neither.  It is in our inability to bridge the gender gap.  The complexity is too deep and our lenses are too thick.  We deal in both what is real and what is perceived.  How do we know the difference?  Is there a difference when our perceptions are our realities?

Will I be the change I want to see in the world?  I learned that this saying had been bastardized from the Gandhi quote where this blog post began.  It is arrogant to think that I can solely make an impact on how the world perceives, reacts or responds.  If there is nothing more we learn from the devastation of a tornado or the pain of a child’s untimely death – we are really in control of nothing. 

I do however find comfort in Gandhi’s words – the hope in that I can work on myself and change my own nature.  Some do this as they draw boundaries in relationships, others do this as they choose to address the plank in their own eyes rather than the specks in the eyes of others.  I find the power rather in taking responsibility for both my own brokenness and greatness – and that I need not wait to see what others do.

So I am in pursuit of breaking down the barriers that would ultimately uncover the truth.  Not my truth or your truth – but that place where we coexist – feeling valued and heard.  I need to embrace the truth through your eyes and divulge my truth.  You being man or woman, employee and entrepreneur, house husband or wife – executive or individual contributor – one thought at a time…

Exactly what are you waiting for?

How often do you stop in the middle of your day, where ever you are - at your desk, in your car, at the grocery store, in a meeting - and say to yourself, "This is exactly what I want to be doing!"

Just a random guess... not often.

I mulled over these thoughts quite a bit during a recent three day period in which I alternated between concentrated time with people I care and time alone. And it's funny - when you're around people who inspire you, who love you and who bring out the best in you, suddenly you're very aware of everything you can be. Doubts melt away. Energy smolders and sizzles. You're ready to charge ahead and embrace your present and you wholeheartedly believe you can make anything happen for your future.

Until, of course, that 5am alarm goes off and you're back to walking the dogs, brewing coffee, waking up cranky teenagers, endlessly buying groceries (for said cranky teenagers), washing dishes, dodging telemarketers, shifting uncomfortably through meaningless meetings and hunched over your laptop late at night to meet deadlines.  When 'real life' kicks in, suddenly everything you can be becomes far less important than an extra 20 minutes of sleep or someone else taking out the trash for a change.

Because that's where we lose ourselves: in the mundane of the every day.

But what if we could celebrate that?

No, really: what if, with a sticky, odiferous white 13 gallon trash bag in hand as you fumble out to the trash barrel, you could stop, swat away the pesky flies and say to yourself, "This is exactly what I want to be doing!"

It's not the taking out of trash that is quite so celebratory - though I suppose, depending on what's in your trash, it could be. It's that you're in that moment, very much aware of who you are and where you are. You are part of the world that happens to include taking out the trash. And washing dishes. And paying bills.  And it's your world. Your reality. And it's of your making.

Own it. Embrace it. Love it. Live it.

We choose our path. We create both the present and the future, and it is up to us to stop our assumptions from getting in our way.  We can't find a new job because we're too old for a career change.  We can't move to a different city because it's too hard to start over. We can't start that new relationship because it's never going to work out anyway.  We can't end this current relationship because we've invested too much time in it already. We can't let go...

Well, why not?

If you can't look around you today, no matter what mundane, boring task it is you're mired in, and say to yourself, "This is exactly what I want to be doing!" then perhaps it's time to reassess. Something is cluttering your life, your thoughts and your heart.  Think about what needs to change so that the mundane doesn't bury your soul, but is just one more action in your ability to live through your soul.

How much time do we spend thinking, "It would be nice if..." and "One day, I want to..." What is it we're waiting for in order for those things to happen? More money? More time? A different opportunity? How much will waiting actually help those things to happen? What's supposed to be happening while you're waiting? Who's making it happen?

And that is what I realized during that three day period: waiting for my goals to happen wasn't really getting me very far. I need to proactively create the life I want.  A life that includes making time for the people important to me. It includes focusing my energy on work that I love. It is dedicated to making the most of each moment. And it means occasionally washing the dishes. Buying groceries. Dealing with cranky teens. Buying more groceries. And taking out the trash.


Natalie Hahn O'Flaherty is a principal at Dirty Girls Consulting, offering special programs that coach women moving into leadership roles. Women work differently, think differently, and it is up to us to allow this difference to become our strengths. We explore breaking free of traditional standards, accomplishing professional and personal goals to create an authentic, fully loved life. Read more Dirty Girl Consulting blogs here. 

You're not wrong

How often do you make decisions based on what you simply seem to know, in your core, to be true? 

You can call it instinct, or intuition... or just your 'gut'.  Whatever it is, do you trust it?

If you do, you have probably been called impulsive. Unpredictable. Even crazy.

But here's the thing: you're not wrong.




A little story
When I was 20, I leaned in and kissed him.

We talked and kissed again. Made vague plans for a future date. Parted for the night.

Actually, we parted.

I had seen him a few times before that particular date.  We had met at a party of mutual friends.  We shared a love of buffalo wings. He had me in tears with laughter with stories about his brothers.  He was a grad student in engineering.  We went out a couple of times - dinner, a picnic. He was kind of perfect.

Kind of.  Until I kissed him.  And then we never went out again.

For a long time, I tried to figure it out.  What had gone sideways?  I would still occasionally see him in the student union or out with a group of friends, and he was friendly but distant.  Over and over again, I replayed the time we spent together.  I did not mistake the attraction. I did not misinterpret our connection. I did not make up the desire.

My intuition was not wrong.  But somehow, my action was not quite right.

How often do you follow your gut?
Our intuition, inner voice, gut instinct... choose the term you prefer... picks up on cues beyond our basic visual and audio data.  It picks up on micro expressions our eyes don't have time to register but our brains do.  It picks up on vocal quivers that indicate a deeper level of feeling. It reads the energy behind the words, the gestures that indicate nervousness or excitement.  Our intuition tells us when someone is repressing a strong emotion, when someone is lying - to us or to herself- or when a situation is about to go sideways.  It's that feeling you get that goes beyond your logical thoughts or the activity you see around you.

Using your intuition - respecting it and responding to it - is a powerful action. It's trusting yourself fully.

But there are times when even though your intuition is spot on, the action you take based on that may seem wrong - that is, it doesn't generate the response you expected given what you "know".  As in the case of that kiss. Was I wrong for going along with my intuition?

I was not.  Because while I questioned my ability to read a person and situation for a long time after that, I did later learn that my intuition was spot-on but there was another reason, which had nothing to do with me, that triggered the engineering student's sudden distance.

More importantly, by following my intuition, I  learned. Quite a bit. I learned that Mr. Near Perfect was not for me, nor would he ever be.  I learned that spending hours replaying scenarios and making up new ones with imaginary conversations is a colossal waste of time. I learned that I can spend many days making up 57 counter arguments to what my gut is telling me and still won't be any the wiser until I finally take action.

I gained a greater sense of trust in myself and in my observation skills.  I gained the joy of being spontaneous. I gained the pleasure of owning my reactions - emotional and logical - and not feeling the need to explain them or apologize for them. I gained the freedom to just be myself.

If you follow your gut, allow yourself to be that curious, somewhat unpredictable person who's eager to burst out, what do you have to lose?

But more importantly, what do you have to gain?


Natalie Hahn O'Flaherty is a principal at Dirty Girls Consulting, offering special programs that coach women moving into leadership roles. Women work differently, think differently, and it is up to us to allow this difference to become our strengths. We explore breaking free of traditional standards, accomplishing professional and personal goals to create an authentic, fully loved life. Read more Dirty Girl Consulting blogs here. 

Spock-light: Six lessons in honor of the "green blooded hobgoblin"

“Insufficient facts always invite danger.”
When we don't know the answer, we make it up.  If a friend doesn't call you back right away, if someone gives you an unexpected sideways glance... your mind immediately spins  a series of stories to explain the unknown.  And it's dangerous.  It leads to interpretations and assumptions that have no basis in reality.  This sends conversations, projects and relationships sideways as you are reacting to something you completely made up.  But it never feels that way... the stories we make up feel very real because we base them on some tiny sliver of a past experience that we deem as fact.  It takes tremendous self awareness and discipline to break ourselves of this habit.  But it can be done if we are willing to ask questions.  Be curious.  Clarify what you don't know.

"Logic is the beginning of wisdom, not the end."
Logic is the linkage of data to create a piece of information.  That's valuable.  And a good basis for examining components of an argument, organizing thoughts and making decisions.  But when we think about wisdom - about the robed guru on the lone mountaintop or the blind oracle on the dais - their gifts are not about logic.  They're about awareness and intuition.  We achieve wisdom when we can combine logic and clarity of thought with emotional intelligence and self-awareness.

"Change is the essential process of all existence."
I have been told recently, by more than one person, that I am not particularly comfortable with ambiguity.  True. I am a logic based soul (see the prior quote) and I cling to clarity in thought, action and emotion.  But life just doesn't work that way.  Life is organic, messy and forever morphing... some parts are a slow moldering burn, some are crackling crashes.  And there's no way to predict the timing or the outcomes.  Understanding this, letting go of the need to control outcomes and to cling to expectations leads to both a happier present and greater wisdom.  Yes, I'm working on it...

“The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, or the one.” 
Whenever you hear that quote, you can recall that scene in excruciating detail and it still brings a heavy knot in my chest.  (If not, I'm surprised you're still reading this... but thanks, and keep reading!)  While Spock was talking about self-sacrifice to save a greater society, I believe there's a more

powerful message here.  I am all about understanding and feeding your own needs.  Self awareness is all about understanding who you are, what your passion is and creating the life you want.  But it's also about recognizing that the world is a greater force at play, that we are all connected and there is a grander scheme to life - to our lives - that we do not control.  We find ourselves in unexpected situations. We meet someone and in an instant recognize a soul mate. We identify coincidences in names, dates and numbers.  The needs of the many is the energy of the world around us, energy that allows us to accept and respond to the expansiveness around us, not control and correct to a limited view.  Think about the ambiguity of life.  Accepting that we are all connected, that there are bigger forces at play than just our individuality, allows us to open our hearts and minds to experience the world at large.

"Without followers, evil cannot spread." 
 All energy, positive and negative, can be contagious.  Where do you live energetically?  If you live in the lower levels of your personal energy, you're living in a mode of perennial victim.  You could be unhappy, passively accepting your fate and taking minimal action just to survive.  You could be angry, pushing through challenges despite the people around you who all seem to be conspiring against you.  When you feed this energy, and meet others who help feed this energy, you perpetuate the negative swirl you're already caught in.  But what if you could change your perspective on that person or situation that's feeding your negativity? If you could bring up your energy level to a point of compassion - for yourself as well as for the world around you - how would that change the way you interact with the world?  There is no single person who drives evil in the world without the rest of us feeding into the energy and allowing it to happen.

"I have been, and always shall be, your friend."
Spock was not easy to get along with. He constantly frustrated the emotional Dr. McCoy. He regularly rebuffed lovelorn Nurse Chapel.  He clinically advised the swaggering Captain Kirk.  He turned evil once and rocked a goatee.  He fell under the spell of love once and got the girl.  And it is because of all this, because despite his Vulcan logic, alien attitudes and sometimes seemingly cold behavior, he was loved.  Because he was wholly, unapologetically true to himself.  When we embrace our uniqueness... our messy, clumsy, emotional imperfections... we allow the people around us to embrace us as well.  This honesty opens us up to binding connections that surpass sharing hobbies or a friend group. It's truly sharing the gift that is yourself, and accepting that gift from others.  That is friendship.

"I am not Spock. But given the choice, if I had to be someone else, I would be Spock. If someone said, 'You can have the choice of being any other TV character ever played,' I would choose Spock. I like him. I admire him. I respect him."   Interview with Leonard Nimoy

My phone buzzed madly from text messages from my children when they heard the news that Leonard Nimoy passed away (sometime around third period, it appears).  I also had emails, Facebook IMs and voice mail messages from around the world.  You can take away from that the truth that I am a Star Trek geek supreme, sure, but I think you can also take away the fact that Mr. Spock's impact as a character, and Leonard Nimoy's popularity as an actor/director/producer, crossed generations and geographies.  

Nimoy was so much more than Spock, but Spock is certainly his legacy role.   His Zen approach to life and to the character of Mr. Spock infused wisdom and joy into the world.  We were blessed to enjoy his talent.

LLAP.

Natalie Hahn O'Flaherty is a principal at Dirty Girls Consulting, offering special programs that coach women moving into leadership roles. Women work differently, think differently, and it is up to us to allow this difference to become our strengths. We explore breaking free of traditional standards, accomplishing professional and personal goals to cultivate an authentic, fully loved life. Read more Dirty Girl Consulting blogs here.