Encouraging the Walkabout

walkabout

noun walk·about \ˈwȯ-kə-ˌbau̇t\

: an occasion in which an Australian Aborigine goes on a long walking journey on land that is far from towns and cities

A Walkabout, as defined above by Merriam-Webster, has historical roots in the Aborigine society.  Wikipedia expands on the definition by describing it as  "a rite of passage during which male Australian Aborigines would undergo a journey during adolescence and live in the wilderness for a period as long as six months."  The characteristics - albeit requirements - are clear.  It is an event, it is a solitary journey, it is significant and it is a milestone for moving from adolescence (youthfulness) to adulthood (clarity).  It is also historically a journey in 'male-hood' - of masculinity.

The Urban Dictionary gives it a little different spin-

walkabout

Background: Australian. Given to us by "Crocodile Dundee" (1986):
A spontaneous journey through the wilderness of one's choosing in an effort to satisfy one's itchy feet, a need to be elsewhere, the craving for the open road, that space over the horizon...yes... something like that... you can't quite touch it so you have to go find it because it's you just know it's there...Or maybe it just feels good to go walking around ... :wink: Yeah. It's WALKABOUT.

 

Somewhere in-between Merriam-Webster, Wikipedia and the Urban Dictionary is what could be an important formula for each of us as we move through life and experience the inevitable and natural transitions that occur.  Some of those we expect and look forward to: moving away from our parents, getting married, having children, buying a home, starting and ending careers, sending our children to college, watching our children get married, grandchildren and retirement. Others come to us as a result of our decisions, the decisions of others or perhaps just as 'fate' would have it.  The unanticipated divorce, loss of a job, bankruptcy, health issue, loss of a spouse or child - all of which can cause us to pause and wonder.

 

Transition, by definition, is fluid.  It is a place in-between where we were and where we want to be.  You could argue that we are always in transition, moving through one day/week/year and navigating what was and reconciling it to what is next.  However it is the times that cause us to pause, feel lost and uneasy, and where 'clarity' isn't so easy to grasp that perhaps, a 'walkabout' could be useful.

 

Our worlds are complex and life is chaotic.  We are busy managing all of it simultaneously, with our only respite often being the five to six hours we allow ourselves for sleep.  Sometimes though there are events or even 'seasons' in our life that are more impacting, triggering emotions, distracting us from being our best selves or derailing our happiness.  Our culture urges us to 'push through' it.  We treat it as something to get over, to work through or to accept.  And - sometimes we can...but for those times when it just seems a bit much...I would encourage contemplating a walkabout. 

 

The Aborigines were visionary in the need to acknowledge that moving from being a boy to becoming a man is a significant transition.  The walkabout doesn't at all encompass the totality of that transition - but it is the place where thought, consideration and contemplation exist.  The physical journey through the cities and the space to be alone and think allowed the young men to look at where they have been, immerse in and observe the world around them, contemplate what they have learned from their teachers and decide who they will be as men.  It was a time to 'just be', to not have to worry about anyone else and to have the space away from distraction to make purposeful decisions about the future.

 

The Urban Dictionary definition talks of 'itchy-feet' and eludes to a walkabout as an answer to restlessness.  I would argue that there is a broader need for taking a 'break' from the chaos of life to contemplate and renew.  A walkabout also doesn't need to be a six-month journey to different cities and most certainly is not limited to a specific gender.

 

A walkabout is just your version of stepping out of the madness and situation, acknowledging it as an event and using that 'break' to be solitary - taking the space and valuing yourself enough to take the time and energy to invest in you - to allow you to heal, grow, evolve and purposefully work through whatever transition you are experiencing.  It could be a weekend at a spa, a Sunday evening yoga class, daily runs at dusk or dawn, an hour of mediation in the morning or a weekly hike on your favorite mountain.  It could be committing to coaching or therapy. It could be an unspecified time away from family or a job.  It could be a sabbatical.

 

The formula can vary but the criteria is clear - it is about you - it is a focused time to consider your current transition, it is an opportunity to think through the next steps, create a plan to gather the tools you will need or identify the people you need to connect with.  It is an event (or a series of consistent events) that you do with a purpose of tapping into you - and your energy - to facilitate your transition.

 

If life is a bit much - if you are unsure, dealing with unexpected situations or are living in that place of overwhelmed... remember the Aborigine...I encourage a  walkabout.

Shirley Ramos is a principal at Dirty Girls Consulting, with a deep understanding that life is 'messy'.  DGC is about real women with a story supporting and empowering other 'real' women to be the best that they can be. Women work differently, think differently, and it is up to us to develop this difference into  our strength. We explore breaking free of traditional standards, accomplishing professional and personal goals to create an authentic, fully loved life. Read more Dirty Girl Consulting blogs here. 

 

What's your pleasure... and your power?

Standing on stage and staring into a crowd of faces, some I knew, most I did not, I realized I had no where else to go. 

My solo moment...

I am frozen. I look back at the drummer and he nods.  The bass guitarist next to me says, "Let's go."  As he starts to strum, automatically my brain shifts into counting the beats. I know this. I got this. I release the lyrics like taffy, pulling at the lines. I have not forgotten the crowd in front of me but they are no longer foreign, separate. They are now my co-conspirators. We are reliving our past, together, remembering that one love, obsession, that was so overwhelming, there was nothing on earth we wouldn't do to keep it. I have relaxed into my voice. I am soaking up the energy of the crowd. I am feeling the warm buzz of pleasure radiating through my entire being, the emotion of it energizing me to give it my all and yet feeling completely at ease in the moment.

I step off stage and carry that with me - relaxed yet energized, fully feeling the pleasure of the moment. I am both giving and receiving joy. And I want to carry this feeling with me, always.

Where do you find pleasure?

Not the "my-kid-is-so-cute" moment or the "I-can't-believe-she-said-that-in-her-outside-voice" moment... those are fun, for sure.  But I'm talking about the kind of pleasurable experience that zings through your entire body and leaves you both feeling physically spent and fully energized?

I've recently been listening to some interviews with coach Kristin Sweeting Morelli and hormone expert Dr. Sara Gottfried, in which they posit that for women, our power center is replenished through experiencing pleasure - so this life we lead of waking early to start the laundry, get the kids to school, go to work, manage the after-school carpool, squeeze in gym time, grocery shop, cook, clean, help with homework, do our own work, etc... the list of activity goes on... it depletes us and we need to find ways to replenish ourselves. When we don't, we get addicted to the high level of stress - those super high cortisol levels that impact our mood, our mode of behavior and how we interact with the world - and we embrace the sense of martyrdom that goes with it.

Don't think that's you? When you insist that it is faster/easier/better if you just do it yourself... when you are annoyed that your husband or son didn't clean the kitchen the way they know you like it to be cleaned... when you take on yet another volunteer project and then complain that you have no time for yourself... 

Be honest, we all spend some time in martyrdom. And it's not a pretty place. Not for us and not for the people around us.

According to Sweeting Morelli and Gottfried, to replenish our strength and our soul, to reclaim a sense of peace and put the harried harpy of the day to rest, women need to tap into pleasure. Our stress levels are high, whether self-induced or not, and have a direct, measurable impact on our health and our relationships. If we allow our cortisol levels (the stress hormone) to get out of whack, we're in for a crash. And some drama. And undoubtedly more stress. 

The shortest, surest route to replenishing a healthy balance? For women, it's indulging in something pleasurable that releases oxytocin and raises serotonin levels. Sure, it can be that toe curling sexual pleasure (which is where your mind immediately went - come on, you know it did) and that one should be on everyone's list, but it is really anything that feeds and energizes your soul.  And we all have different ways of reaching into to that well and pulling our pleasure - and our power - back out of it.

Think of the last time you had a lengthy conversation with a girlfriend - or a few friends.  Ones who really get you.  How did you feel coming away from that?  Exhausted or energized?

Or perhaps on your last shopping excursion, you snatched up a hot pair of Jimmy Choo's at a bargain price... or if you're like me, new Asics or Saucony's.

Or maybe you finally attended that salsa dance class that you kept meaning to make time for... why hadn't you done that sooner?

You can replenish your soul by going to church. By attending yoga class. By getting a massage.

With my fantastic partner,
Mauricio Fernandez, aka Pitbull

Clearly, one of my pleasure zones is in singing - for an audience, for sure, but also alone in my car. I can get this high from running obstacle course races, from playing in the ocean, from writing... anything - my blog, a thank you note, an old fashioned love letter... the act of expressing myself on paper is pleasurable for me - and from reading a really good book. That may not sound exciting to you - and that's ok, we all have our own pleasure zones - but it works for me. It brings me back to a place where I can be present with my every day life - working full time, raising three teenagers, managing a menagerie of pets and the myriad activities that come with that life.

Every spontaneous, joyful moment and irrepressible laugh should be cherished. That momentary respite brings pleasure into any given moment. But in addition to that, we ought to be cultivating a regular cadence of pleasure that replenishes our soul.

So back to my original question: where do you find your pleasure?

If you want to learn more about the idea of women's power being centered in their ability to experience pleasure, and how our hormonal imbalances can dramatically affect our mood, our weight and our relationships, I strongly recommend reading Dr. Sara Gottfried's books and blogs as well as Kristin Sweeting Morelli's Red Tent Revival materials (she is no longer doing live events, which are phenomenal, fun and educational, but the recorded materials are available for purchase).

Natalie Hahn O'Flaherty is a principal at Dirty Girls Consulting, offering programs that support women moving into leadership roles. Women work differently, think differently, and it is up to us to develop this difference into  our strength. We explore breaking free of traditional standards, accomplishing professional and personal goals to create an authentic, fully loved life. Read more Dirty Girl Consulting blogs here.