Relaxation is who you are – Tension is who you think you should be…

I am not sure who said it – who to attribute it to.   It is printed on the wall of my nutritionist’s office and every time I see it, it causes me to pause and ponder.  I actually do understand the ‘who’ we are naturally.  The being that exists as a result of how we are raised, the part of the country we grow up in and our physiology - all rolled into the ‘self’.  I also know about the self we ‘show up as’.  The person that we think that we need to be for other people.  The mom, the dad, the retail manager, the lawyer, the wife, the lover; whoever and whatever the role…

     A level of tension or urgency isn’t a bad thing.  It is what gets us up in the morning, keeps our houses  cleaned and inspires the projects we do at work.  It is where our social norms reside and where we find our ability to play well with others.  How I ‘show up’  for my fellow ‘dirty girl’ is different than who I am for my children – which is different from who I am with my colleagues at work and again different with the man that I love.  We instinctively navigate and control our interactions to be accepted and to elicit the responses that meet our goals or – at the very least – help us feel secure and worthy.

The challenge comes as we become aware of the dance– the role that we play – and the impact it has on our lives.  If we simply mirror the needs of others and don’t attend to our natural self, we run the danger of feeling frustrated, not heard and out of sync with ourselves.  If we focus only on our natural tendencies – our own needs and desires – then we put our own need for acceptance at risk and most likely limit our ability to connect and impact.

At a very basic level we need to decide where we will reside.  Where is the balance between our own natural self and our need for being in relationship – for connectedness? Perhaps we can begin by tapping into how we feel – by stepping outside of ourselves - defining and differentiating between our relaxed selves and where we have a level of tension or urgency in our interactions. Where do we experience our uninhibited deep laughter and joy…and where do we suppress and hold back as we work to interpret the expectations of the people around us?

As I ponder, my mind searches to make meaning.  Relaxation is where my joy and health reside.  Tension and expectation creates connection and makes me productive.  Neither is good or bad – and I understand that I cannot live without one or the other.  My journey is in the navigation – the awareness – the balance…and the possibilities…